When coffee fell from heaven...

Some days it takes having too much of a bad thing for your body to finally let your brain know how bad it is for you. It's a well known secret by many of my friends that I struggle with sugar. I love it. It is probably one of the main reasons I gained so much weight in the first place. When I made the choice to have bariatric surgery I was told that there was a good chance my body wouldn't tolerate sugar anymore. After praying and praying for that it be the case it had seemed like my wish didn't come true. I seemed like I had a sleeve (my post surgical stomach) of steel that could tolerate whatever I put into it (as demonstrated by my last post where I ate tons of holiday treats). Today I learned otherwise. Sugar in a liquid form is the devil....

I have been enjoying my expensive coffee drinks quite frequently lately but I go for the sugar-free version. I did this to avoid the large amounts of calories that usually go along with these types of drinks. Well today when Micah and I went out for coffee I saw that the 'special' was an eggnog latte. Sounds amazing right!! Goodness that tasted like a piece of holiday heaven. However about 15 minutes after the cup was drained the nausea started to settle in.  I became dizzy, my heart started racing and I just felt sick sick sick. Turns out sugar in the liquid form moves through your system much faster which gave me minor case of dumping syndrome.

With all the talk about how artificial sugars are horrible for you I had been considering turning away from them. After today my body made it perfectly clear what it prefers.

Sugar-free for me!

Shame

Today was rough. Really rough. It started out well. I woke up, had my shake, then went to work. They were having a holiday party and I had a brilliant plan to only pick out one treat to have.

Before I knew it I had a full plate, and kept going back for more during the 3+ hours I was there. It's like that old fat person just came right back out and decided that stuffing my face was worth any consequences that it may have...

The rest of the day just spiraled down from there. I felt sick, depressed, and lost all motivation that I had for the day. I was ashamed. After all the hard work that I've done over the last year it's scary how quickly the old me can come back. The head games are real.

Sorry for the negative post but I am so sick of hearing how if you have weight loss surgery weight loss will be so easy and it will just fall right off. I've worked my butt off in the gym, refused my favorite foods countless times, and it's not like that is easy. I have the ability to stuff my face like today all the time. I CAN eat crap and I can eat plates full of it. If I give up today I could easily gain back all of the weight I've lost in the next few months.

It's days like this where I have to pick myself back up and start again tomorrow. I've come too far to give up.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Talking about my (not so tiny) tummy - 9mth post-op

For the most part I haven't focused my blog posts specifically on my surgery because I knew going into this that the surgery could only get me so far. I knew I needed to focus on the total lifestyle change and not just my tiny tummy. Sometimes I do get the occasional person who misses that fact when just glancing through my posts and I find myself feeling really guilty. I mean besides the posts titled "Why I have decided to go through with bariatric surgery" or "Day of Surgery" I can totally see how my other references could be subtle enough to miss. I hope that everyone understands that I was in no way trying to hide that piece of information from you all. It just hasn't been my primary focus when moving towards my goals of achieving true health and fitness... vs just getting skinny.

With that being said I'm going to talk about my tummy for a bit. At this point I just need to get these fears and concerns out there because I know nothing good will come from holding them in.

My tiny tummy is not so tiny... 

I'm afraid that I have somehow either stretched out my stomach, it was made too large to start with, or I have something else going on. I know the comparison game is a dangerous one, but I can eat a whole heck of a lot more than other sleevers. Like a lot.  I brought this up with my doctor and got a lot of great advice and information. I'm going to share this information as it applies to my personal situation. My hope is that if you are also concerned about your capacity that this post can help you gain the confidence (and give you some questions) to bring up the subject with your own doctor. I am not a professional, so please make sure to consult one before making any major changes to your plan.

An interesting fact:

As many of us know the gastric sleeve is a fairly new surgery in the bariatric world and new research is coming in every day. According to my doctor (I wish I asked for the article he was citing) they are finding that even though the sleeve patient has a much smaller stomach post surgery, it can empty much faster than it used to. This doesn't happen to everybody, but can be a big problem with others and can cause increased hunger along with an apparent larger capacity.

Because it is difficult to stretch the sleeve, this could potentially be what is going on with me. Here are some things that he suggested to try for that.

• Stopping eating before feeling 'full' - This one is very difficult for me. I have almost always used full as my signal to stop eating. Now I have to learn to slow down, listen to my body, and stop eating when I no longer feel hungry. 

• Drink ice water - The cold of the ice water can cause the stomach to temporarily tighten up given you slightly more restriction 

In addition to doing the above things, I was also told to become much more consistent with eating. I am now supposed to eat 4 meals a day, around the same times each day with around the same number of calories and protein in each meal. My eating was all over the map and my NUT wants to avoid confusing my metabolism too much, which makes sense. I am also supposed to be more consistent with exercise, working out 5 days a week. Three of the days with 40 minutes cardio, and the other two days 20 minutes cardio and 20 minutes strength training. This more consistent exercise is preferred to what I was doing where I would go super hard and long for a few days then take a 4-5 days completely off. 

Hopefully you've found something useful or interesting above! I'm looking forward to taking all the above advice and continuing on in my journey. :-) As of now I have lost 62% of my excess weight. I have come SO far but still have a ways to go. Keep on keeping on!

With love,
Sarah 

Transformation Tuesday

My transformation so far..

I'm feeling stronger, I'm feeling healthier, I'm feeling happier. I now know that my body is capable of so much more than I ever gave it credit for. I am learning to take care of myself properly, eat for fuel, and become more active in my everyday life. The gym is no longer a place of dread, and I am starting to call myself a runner.

Loving life and looking forward to what the future has to hold.

Love, 

Sarah

6th month surgiversary

Yesterday marked the half-year mark since my surgery. These last 6 months have been some of the most frustrating, rewarding, and hardest months of my life. I've worked my butt off (quite literally!) I could probably go on and on for hours about the qazillion emotions, struggles, and successes of the last 6 months, but instead I am just going to share a few pictures.

I have come so far and I can't stop now. Thank you all so much for supporting me in my journey. This hasn't been easy and all you all have helped me so much!

With love,
Sarah

A bariatric pill case

Since starting this whole process I have been instructed to take a whole plethora vitamin and nutrient supplements. It makes sense, because the less food that you take in, the less nutrients. So far my blood work has turned out great so I know that my program is working! Here is a glimpse into what I have have been taking on a daily basis. Please keep in mind that my program is personalized for me, and that you shouldn't add or subtract anything without first consulting your doctor. :-) 

Celebrate Complete Chewable Multivitamin + Iron (twice daily) 

Calcium Citrate + D3  or Calcet Creamy Bites (twice daily but not at the same time as the multi)

D3 (once daily) 

Biotin (once daily)

Prilosec (twice daily for the prevention of ulcers)

B12 (for the first 3 months after surgery - discontinued based on blood tests) 

 

 I will get another set of blood work done at my 6 month appointment to see if all my levels are still holding where they need to be. I also try to be very intentional about making sure I am making good food choices with lots of nutrition. :-)

Nothing much else to report, but I am thoroughly enjoying my spring break! Have a great day everybody :-) God Bless! 

Month 3 updates: Blood tests and a new diet!

I'd like to start by saying re-commitment week was a real success! The biggest thing that I got out of this week was consistent exercise. I am really starting to enjoy my time at the gym and have started to fall into a semi-consistent routine. Though I didn't quite reach my 300 minute goal I think that it will be a great number to keep striving for! My weight loss had been stalling for a while but it is amazing how much getting back on track with your plan can get that scale moving again! I also recently had my 3 month check-up with the doctor and nutritionist! Here are the updates!

Weight Update:
I'm down about 54lbs from my highest weight and have put some distance between me and that morbidly obese category. I'm continuing to feel great. I am over half way to 100 and about 44% of the way to my (potential) ultimate goal weight of 150. At this point I'm shooting for around 10lbs a month and have started dreaming of Onederland!

Nutrition Update:
As part of my 3 month appointment I got some blood work done. They checked things like my cholesterol, iron, vitamin levels, and glucose. This was to check how I have been doing with my nutrition and to see if my vitamin supplements need to be adjusted. My doc told me that it is pretty typical to see deficiencies in B12, Vitamin D, and Iron so he was more than pleased when my results showed everything in the normal levels! My B12 was actually creeping into the above normal category. Long story short, I'm doing well with my nutrition!

My diet was also advanced to my 'lifelong' diet. This means I can pretty much eat anything now but I am expected to make smart choices. The additions of breads and pastas back into my diet has sure been a welcome change!

Fitness Update:
Since the start of student teaching I have been struggling a lot more with getting to the gym. I've been averaging around 2-3x a week but would like to get that up to around 5x. I have been continuing with my zombies C25K program and have just started week 4. This week included a 15 minute run and I was able to complete the whole segment without walking! I also am able to do some strength training once a week and am really starting to feel myself getting stronger! Looking forward to finding a 5K race to sign up for and getting back into the pool!

God Bless!

Getting back on track

I have to admit I have been struggling lately with sticking to my program. Many people after weight loss surgery acquire a strong intolerance/aversion to high sugar foods. This was something that I had actually hoped to get because sweets have always been a huge struggle for me. Up until last week I hadn't really tested my limits with sweets because I had been doing so well at following my prescribed diet. Well last Wednesday night advertising finally got to me and I just had to try McDonald's chocolate covered strawberry frappe. I didn't check any nutrition facts because I thought after 3 months I deserved a treat.

So I drank ALL 570 calories of process sugar, fat, and chemicals...

It was wonderful. My body did feel crappy for about 10 minutes (At this point I hadn't allowed myself ANY added sugar) but I quickly faded into my blissful sugar high. No aversions, no nausea, and now I was sucked back in. Those 79 grams of sugar are still affecting me. I basically feel like I've fallen off the wagon. I am now having a much harder time staying on my diet, and have continued to indulge on a few sweets such as chocolate covered pretzels and some puppy chow. My cravings for unhealthy foods are back in full force and it's not just sweets. I literally will KILL for carbs! I have also noticed a change in my mood and energy now that my food choices haven't been the best. I haven't been killing it in gym as much as I should, and even my water consumption has decreased. Welp, it's time for me to commit to getting back on track. Monday is my 're-commitment' day! Here are the specific goals and benchmarks that I am going to commit to for next week! 

1. 2 days liquid diet, 3 days soft food diet, last two days on my current diet
2. Take ALL my vitamin supplements each day
3. 300 minutes of exercise
4. Hit 64 oz of fluid each day
5. No added sugar! 
6. No weighing myself until the end of the week (This is going to be HARD!) 
7. At lease 70g protein everyday! 

I plan to check in daily for one week to keep myself accountable! The hope is that after this week I will re-establish my good habits and get back on track toward health and fitness! With that, I have a few victories to share. 

NSV: I am no longer morbidly obese! This is HUGE for me!  I now also fit into some pants from high-school :-D 

SV: I have hit 50lbs lost! Half way to 100!

God Bless! 

WLS Friendly Flatbread Pizza

Pizza. What a wonderful food! I mean seriously, who doesn't like pizza! Since the beginning of my diet starting in early November this food had been torturous to me. It is often a go to food for any college hangout so I found myself in many situations where I had to practice some serious self-control. No matter how many times I tried I just couldn't justify the 19 grams of fat for one slice. (Like I'd only eat one slice...) Worried that this beloved food may be out of my diet forever, I was very intrigued when someone posted in a FB group about a skinny 'flatbread pizza' that was safe for WLS (weight loss surgery) post-ops. I experimented around the other day and was able to come up with something super delish and simple! The best part is that it only takes 14 minutes to make and contains a whopping 22 grams of protein!

WLS Friendly Flatbread Pizza 

Ingredients

1 flatbread - I used flatout multi-grain w/flax

1 TBS olive oil

1/4 cup mozzarella cheese

Turkey pepperoni

4 TBS natural pizza sauce


Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F

Brush flatbread with olive oil and place directly on the oven rack for 7 minutes. At this point the flatbread gets crispy. Top with pizza sauce, cheese and pepperoni and place back in the oven for another 7 minutes. Enjoy!

Per one pizza: 239cals, 13carbs, 22g protein,13g fat, 3g sugar 

5 days post-op update

Post-op day 5 update! The good: I honestly feel great! I think I am very lucky and my body is cooperating with the changes well. I can sleep on both sides well, spent the day black-Friday 

shopping with a moderate amount of energy, and am in very limited amount of pain. 

The not so good: I am still taking my pain meds regularly, I am feeling so good I am afraid to go off of them! I am struggling to get all my protein and water in. I'm at about 40 oz of water and 50 grams of protein. I also seem to now be getting heartburn, even though I didn't have it the first few days.Overall I feel very blessed! I'm planning on weighing myself on the 2nd for the first time! 

Tomorrow's the Day!

My surgery date is tomorrow and I'm so full of nervous excitement! I arrive at the hospital at 9:30 and things will get going from there. My husband will be there with me the whole time so I'll have some pretty good company. :-) So far this has been mentally rough. I have heard it compared to a cocaine addict getting a surgery to cure his addiction. Yes, it will be great for him and his life will be dramatically improved, but there are certainly some aspects of his old life that he is going to miss. For me, my addiction is sugar. I love it! The thought of spending the next chapter on my life on sugar-free/ low sugar food is very difficult. The challenge now is to find alternative ways of fun, joy, and relaxation that doesn't involve food. Though I am nervous, I am ready for that challenge.

I am all packed and ready to go! Some of the essentials that I packed include:

• Undies
• Gas-X chew-able 
• Sweatpants and other comfy clothing 
• Sports bra (There is no way I'm letting those ladies hang free all day!) 
• Entertainment 
• Food for my husband. 

At this point I don't know if I will be spending 1 or 2 nights in the hospital. My doctor said that most of the patients go home after 1 night unless there are having problems drinking enough fluids or having severe nausea. I am so hoping for one night! My poor husband decided that he didn't want to get a room anywhere and the hospital doesn't have cots, so he'll be sleeping in a chair or on the floor. It may be uncomfortable but I also think it is very sweet of him to not want to leave me <3

I'll update as soon as I can to share how the surgery went! 

Why I have decided to go though with bariatric surgery

I am going to start of by saying I am terrified to blog about this. Bariatric surgery can be a very sensitive topic, especially around fitness blogs. So many of you have chosen to go through your journey a different way, and surgery has a huge stigma of being the 'easy way out'. I'm going to start by explaining why this surgery is just another tool, and not an easy solution to a tough problem.

First of all, I'd like to explain that this idea was actually proposed to me by my primary care physician. I had no idea that I would be a candidate for bariatric surgery. I used to watch a lot of discovery health, and they always featured people well over 500lbs having the surgery. So when my doctor suggested it as an option, I was intrigued.

To even be considered for surgery I had to have 6 months of documented weight loss attempts with my PCP. After this, I had to go to an information session, a preliminary visit with the surgeon (a 2 hour drive one way), multiple blood tests, and EKG, and a psych evaluation. After all those things were cleared, I had 3 more appointments with the doctor and a nutritionist (another 12 hours of driving) and then I was stuck waiting for my insurance pre-authorization. The nutritionist right away started my on B12, vitamin D, and iron, in addition to my daily multivitamin. I was also placed on a 1200 calorie limit and asked to consume 100-135 grams of protein a day. I don't know if any of you guys have tried it, but consuming that much protein on that few calories is VERY difficult. I continued this while still waiting to see if insurance would cover the cost of the operation.

This surgery is in no way easy. It took so much courage for me to admit that I had a problem and couldn't do this on my own. I needed help. I have over 12 years of failed weight loss attempts, each one eventually ending in gaining all the weight back, and plus some. For me, because of genetics and metabolic reasons, by itself simple willpower, discipline and exercise just weren't enough. I wanted more than anything to lose weight and be healthy, but no matter how hard I tried I always seemed to end in failure, and subsequently, depression. Because of my years of obesity and over eating, my appetite regulators simply don't work the way they are supposed to. I know that I will be looked down upon, and I know that a lot of people won't agree with my decision, but I need another tool to be successful. I need help.

That's all this surgery is, a tool. 90% of the effort will be on my part. Plenty of people that have this procedure done gain all the weight back by making poor health choices and not being active. It is in no way a solution. I am devoting myself to a lifelong journey.  I am devoting myself to weeks of all liquid diets, exercising many times a week, and a lifetime of taking vitamin and mineral supplements. This is not something that will end when I reach my goals. If I default back to my old habits this will all be for nothing. This is for life. Do I think it's worth it? Absolutely, and let me tell you why.

I am 22 years old, and am in constant pain. Often when I try to keep up with friends or try a new activity, my back goes into horrible spasms, and I can barely move for days. Even when I am able to be active, my body doesn't respond the way I would like it too. Last summer I ran a 5K, and I also spent many years on a swim team. The whole time, I still consistently gained weight. I live in one of the most beautiful locations and I love to hike, bike and swim. The only problem is I end up alone. I can't keep up with the others, so they end up waiting for me and not having as much fun as they would like. This again leads to more depression from burdening my friends, and I start to opt to stay at home while they all go out and enjoy the things I love. Secondly, I want a family. I want to be the best wife and mother that I can be. I am in married to the love of my life and can't wait until the day we can have children. (after school of course! ) But honestly, I am not in a position where I can justify bringing another human into this world. I have morbid obesity. I would not be able to play and care for them in a way that they deserve. I have nightmares of having one of my children walk toward oncoming traffic, and me not being able to get there fast enough to save them.

Lastly, I want to do this for me.  I deserve a chance to live my dreams. I deserve a chance to not be judged by uninformed people about my character and lack of self-control. I deserve a chance for equal job opportunity advancement. I deserve a second chance at life.

I have made this decision, and it was not an easy one. But I am at the point of my life now where I don't want to waste another moment, and I need support. Please feel free to ask any questions. I plan to continue blogging about this journey and experiences. Wish me luck!