I am going to start of by saying I am terrified to blog about this. Bariatric surgery can be a very sensitive topic, especially around fitness blogs. So many of you have chosen to go through your journey a different way, and surgery has a huge stigma of being the 'easy way out'. I'm going to start by explaining why this surgery is just another tool, and not an easy solution to a tough problem.
First of all, I'd like to explain that this idea was actually proposed to me by my primary care physician. I had no idea that I would be a candidate for bariatric surgery. I used to watch a lot of discovery health, and they always featured people well over 500lbs having the surgery. So when my doctor suggested it as an option, I was intrigued.
To even be considered for surgery I had to have 6 months of documented weight loss attempts with my PCP. After this, I had to go to an information session, a preliminary visit with the surgeon (a 2 hour drive one way), multiple blood tests, and EKG, and a psych evaluation. After all those things were cleared, I had 3 more appointments with the doctor and a nutritionist (another 12 hours of driving) and then I was stuck waiting for my insurance pre-authorization. The nutritionist right away started my on B12, vitamin D, and iron, in addition to my daily multivitamin. I was also placed on a 1200 calorie limit and asked to consume 100-135 grams of protein a day. I don't know if any of you guys have tried it, but consuming that much protein on that few calories is VERY difficult. I continued this while still waiting to see if insurance would cover the cost of the operation.
This surgery is in no way easy. It took so much courage for me to admit that I had a problem and couldn't do this on my own. I needed help. I have over 12 years of failed weight loss attempts, each one eventually ending in gaining all the weight back, and plus some. For me, because of genetics and metabolic reasons, by itself simple willpower, discipline and exercise just weren't enough. I wanted more than anything to lose weight and be healthy, but no matter how hard I tried I always seemed to end in failure, and subsequently, depression. Because of my years of obesity and over eating, my appetite regulators simply don't work the way they are supposed to. I know that I will be looked down upon, and I know that a lot of people won't agree with my decision, but I need another tool to be successful. I need help.
That's all this surgery is, a tool. 90% of the effort will be on my part. Plenty of people that have this procedure done gain all the weight back by making poor health choices and not being active. It is in no way a solution. I am devoting myself to a lifelong journey. I am devoting myself to weeks of all liquid diets, exercising many times a week, and a lifetime of taking vitamin and mineral supplements. This is not something that will end when I reach my goals. If I default back to my old habits this will all be for nothing. This is for life. Do I think it's worth it? Absolutely, and let me tell you why.
I am 22 years old, and am in constant pain. Often when I try to keep up with friends or try a new activity, my back goes into horrible spasms, and I can barely move for days. Even when I am able to be active, my body doesn't respond the way I would like it too. Last summer I ran a 5K, and I also spent many years on a swim team. The whole time, I still consistently gained weight. I live in one of the most beautiful locations and I love to hike, bike and swim. The only problem is I end up alone. I can't keep up with the others, so they end up waiting for me and not having as much fun as they would like. This again leads to more depression from burdening my friends, and I start to opt to stay at home while they all go out and enjoy the things I love. Secondly, I want a family. I want to be the best wife and mother that I can be. I am in married to the love of my life and can't wait until the day we can have children. (after school of course! ) But honestly, I am not in a position where I can justify bringing another human into this world. I have morbid obesity. I would not be able to play and care for them in a way that they deserve. I have nightmares of having one of my children walk toward oncoming traffic, and me not being able to get there fast enough to save them.
Lastly, I want to do this for me. I deserve a chance to live my dreams. I deserve a chance to not be judged by uninformed people about my character and lack of self-control. I deserve a chance for equal job opportunity advancement. I deserve a second chance at life.
I have made this decision, and it was not an easy one. But I am at the point of my life now where I don't want to waste another moment, and I need support. Please feel free to ask any questions. I plan to continue blogging about this journey and experiences. Wish me luck!
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