Tomorrow's the Day!

My surgery date is tomorrow and I'm so full of nervous excitement! I arrive at the hospital at 9:30 and things will get going from there. My husband will be there with me the whole time so I'll have some pretty good company. :-) So far this has been mentally rough. I have heard it compared to a cocaine addict getting a surgery to cure his addiction. Yes, it will be great for him and his life will be dramatically improved, but there are certainly some aspects of his old life that he is going to miss. For me, my addiction is sugar. I love it! The thought of spending the next chapter on my life on sugar-free/ low sugar food is very difficult. The challenge now is to find alternative ways of fun, joy, and relaxation that doesn't involve food. Though I am nervous, I am ready for that challenge.

I am all packed and ready to go! Some of the essentials that I packed include:

• Undies
• Gas-X chew-able 
• Sweatpants and other comfy clothing 
• Sports bra (There is no way I'm letting those ladies hang free all day!) 
• Entertainment 
• Food for my husband. 

At this point I don't know if I will be spending 1 or 2 nights in the hospital. My doctor said that most of the patients go home after 1 night unless there are having problems drinking enough fluids or having severe nausea. I am so hoping for one night! My poor husband decided that he didn't want to get a room anywhere and the hospital doesn't have cots, so he'll be sleeping in a chair or on the floor. It may be uncomfortable but I also think it is very sweet of him to not want to leave me <3

I'll update as soon as I can to share how the surgery went! 

100 reasons to lose a 100!

I dream of the day when I can say that I've lose 100 lbs! Here are my 100 reasons why! (in no particular order)

1. To fit into those college desks and not have a huge red mark where my stomach was being squished
2. To be able to cross my legs
3. To like my reflection
4. To be able to tie my shoes without holding my breath
5. To have less aches and pains than an 70 year old man
6. cuter bras :)
7. To cure my sleep apnea
8. To fit on the playground swings
9. To keep up with my husband biking
10. To kayak at pictured rocks without being afraid of sinking the kayak
11. To be able to run around and play with my nieces and nephew without getting tired
12. To no shop in the plus size section.
13. To not break anymore zippers!
14. To avoid chaffing my thighs
15. So people will notice who I really am
16. To avoid other health problems from being overweight
17. To not be a slave to food
18. So I will no longer be the girl with 'the pretty face'
19. To be able to go jogging with friends
20. To be able to wear cute sandals and flip-flops all day long without severe foot pain
21. So I can paint my toenails
22. To wrap a normal size towel all the way around myself
23. Not having to hide from having my picture taken
24. So I can feel comfortable in a swimsuit
25. Cuter undies
26. To be healthy enough to have healthy children
27. Ride a bike more comfortably
28. So I can be fit enough to backpack on Isle Royal
29. To be able to reach for things or raise my hand without my belly showing
30. Lingerie: I want some
31. So I can be a healthy example to my family and friends
32. To not be squished by those bathroom stall doors that go in instead of out
33. To feel fit
34. To feel better about myself
35. To be able to have a conversation while walking up stairs
36. To enjoy the beach without a second thought
37.  To be able to run period
38. So my back doesn't hurt so much
39. To not get stares when going to the gym
40. To have a cheaper food budget
41. To believe it when others tell me I look good
42. To be able to borrow/lend clothes to friends
43. To be able to wear knee high boots
44. To be able to do yoga
45. To feel sexy
46. To never again watch biggest loser and see contestants with a starting weight lower than mine
47. To not wear out the thigh area of my jeans before anything else
48. For people not to be embarrassed to gift me clothes and ask what size I am
49. To sit on the floor without my legs and feet falling asleep
50. To be able to complete a workout program such as the Jillian Michaels 30 day shred
51. To gracefully wear high heels
52. To have more confidence
53. To have people believe me when I tell them I'm a swimmer
54. To be asked to play pick-up games like ultimate Frisbee or
55. No more muffin-top!
56. To do the sleeping bear dunes hike
57. Smaller boobs
58. To crave healthy foods
59. To be proud of a physical accomplishment
60. To be able to find cute skirts
61. To be able to tell that I have muscles
62. To be more outgoing
63. To be a success story
64. To have arms that don't wave themselves
65. To not have parents question if i'm worthy of being a swim coach because I 'obviously don't work out'
66. To be about to have that once in a while 'treat' and not feel horribly guilty afterwards
67. To dance in public without becoming a hot mess
68. To be less moody
69. To swing at the playground
70. Skinny jeans
71. To comfortably ride in an airplane
72. To be able to sit on my husbands lap
73. To fit into a booth at any restaurant
74. So I can have a cute baby bump
75. To not turn BRIGHT red after exercise
76. To be able to jump higher than 2 inches
77. To not have to worry about the weight limits of things
78. No more fat jokes
79. To at least be able to train for a 1/2 marathon
80. Sleeveless tops
81. To get up gracefully from sitting on the floor
82. To be able to get close to the sink without getting a wet belly
83. To be strong
84. To be comfy in movie theater seats
85. To feel comfortable joining a fitness class
86. To have enough energy to keep a clean house
87. To look in a full length mirror... on purpose
88. For a little black dress
89. To be able to snuggle on the couch with the hubby and both fit!
90. Thinner face
91. To not have people checking your grocery cart
92. To make a better professional impression
93. Better posture
94. Sundresses
95. To no longer be continuously thinking about food!
96. Bye bye fat clothes. HELLO SHOPPING SPREE!
97. To prove to myself that I can do it
98. So I'm no longer afraid of breaking chairs
99. To live longer
100. So I don't have any more excuses

Why I have decided to go though with bariatric surgery

I am going to start of by saying I am terrified to blog about this. Bariatric surgery can be a very sensitive topic, especially around fitness blogs. So many of you have chosen to go through your journey a different way, and surgery has a huge stigma of being the 'easy way out'. I'm going to start by explaining why this surgery is just another tool, and not an easy solution to a tough problem.

First of all, I'd like to explain that this idea was actually proposed to me by my primary care physician. I had no idea that I would be a candidate for bariatric surgery. I used to watch a lot of discovery health, and they always featured people well over 500lbs having the surgery. So when my doctor suggested it as an option, I was intrigued.

To even be considered for surgery I had to have 6 months of documented weight loss attempts with my PCP. After this, I had to go to an information session, a preliminary visit with the surgeon (a 2 hour drive one way), multiple blood tests, and EKG, and a psych evaluation. After all those things were cleared, I had 3 more appointments with the doctor and a nutritionist (another 12 hours of driving) and then I was stuck waiting for my insurance pre-authorization. The nutritionist right away started my on B12, vitamin D, and iron, in addition to my daily multivitamin. I was also placed on a 1200 calorie limit and asked to consume 100-135 grams of protein a day. I don't know if any of you guys have tried it, but consuming that much protein on that few calories is VERY difficult. I continued this while still waiting to see if insurance would cover the cost of the operation.

This surgery is in no way easy. It took so much courage for me to admit that I had a problem and couldn't do this on my own. I needed help. I have over 12 years of failed weight loss attempts, each one eventually ending in gaining all the weight back, and plus some. For me, because of genetics and metabolic reasons, by itself simple willpower, discipline and exercise just weren't enough. I wanted more than anything to lose weight and be healthy, but no matter how hard I tried I always seemed to end in failure, and subsequently, depression. Because of my years of obesity and over eating, my appetite regulators simply don't work the way they are supposed to. I know that I will be looked down upon, and I know that a lot of people won't agree with my decision, but I need another tool to be successful. I need help.

That's all this surgery is, a tool. 90% of the effort will be on my part. Plenty of people that have this procedure done gain all the weight back by making poor health choices and not being active. It is in no way a solution. I am devoting myself to a lifelong journey.  I am devoting myself to weeks of all liquid diets, exercising many times a week, and a lifetime of taking vitamin and mineral supplements. This is not something that will end when I reach my goals. If I default back to my old habits this will all be for nothing. This is for life. Do I think it's worth it? Absolutely, and let me tell you why.

I am 22 years old, and am in constant pain. Often when I try to keep up with friends or try a new activity, my back goes into horrible spasms, and I can barely move for days. Even when I am able to be active, my body doesn't respond the way I would like it too. Last summer I ran a 5K, and I also spent many years on a swim team. The whole time, I still consistently gained weight. I live in one of the most beautiful locations and I love to hike, bike and swim. The only problem is I end up alone. I can't keep up with the others, so they end up waiting for me and not having as much fun as they would like. This again leads to more depression from burdening my friends, and I start to opt to stay at home while they all go out and enjoy the things I love. Secondly, I want a family. I want to be the best wife and mother that I can be. I am in married to the love of my life and can't wait until the day we can have children. (after school of course! ) But honestly, I am not in a position where I can justify bringing another human into this world. I have morbid obesity. I would not be able to play and care for them in a way that they deserve. I have nightmares of having one of my children walk toward oncoming traffic, and me not being able to get there fast enough to save them.

Lastly, I want to do this for me.  I deserve a chance to live my dreams. I deserve a chance to not be judged by uninformed people about my character and lack of self-control. I deserve a chance for equal job opportunity advancement. I deserve a second chance at life.

I have made this decision, and it was not an easy one. But I am at the point of my life now where I don't want to waste another moment, and I need support. Please feel free to ask any questions. I plan to continue blogging about this journey and experiences. Wish me luck!